School Report Writer Pillows

"You're a veteran, right grandpa? Maybe you can help me with my school report...what was General George Washington really like?"

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"How would I explain the 'D' in debate class? Probably not very well."

Parent Involvement Tip #1

Given seven minutes to finish, he flashed through the weekly report.

'This is gobbledygook. I asked for mumbo-jumbo.'

"Getting good grades isn't enough, son. You also need to bring in new clients."

"I don't like these sales figures. Prepare them in another color and font and resubmit them."

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

'I'll give you this, Hargrove - Your report was a perfect blend of cliches, banalities and platitudes.'

Good report, Morton, work on it a little more until it sounds like one of mine.

"...there's not a single shareholder...who will be able to understand any part of it!"

"When I hear the word mathematics I immediately think of three things. Boring and useless."

'How long have you had that toupee?'

'Overwhelm the facts with interpretation and have it on my desk Thursday.'

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

Boss hands over document: 'There are too many abbreviations in your report ? can you rewrite it asap?'

'It says here that machine learning finds fake news with 88% accuracy. I think from now on I really need to edit my reports before I turn them in.'

The finance department finally achieved their ambition to produce a report that no-one could understand...

"Deidre's right. 'Challenging current dynamics' sounds better than SNAFU."

"My French is OK but you should really see my Reportese..."

'We need to start working more closely to try to improve these grades. Do you have my office number?'

Careful

'Yes Sir, I finished the report two days ago - I'm just trying to decide on what font to use.'

'This wouldn't have happened if you'd saved to send me to a private school.'

"I must be out of memory"

'I'm very creative and creative people are not afraid to fail.'

"'C-minus'? -- I'd like to speak to your supervisor!"

"Use impersonal language, or they'll ask us to take responsibility!"

"Tighten the bolts and slap some more boilerplate on this report, Mike. It's got candor leaking out in a dozen places!"

"So this is why you ate your spinach and wanted seconds at dinner!"

'Get the person with the best imagination to write our Earnings Report.'