School Nurse Gifts

'My finger's stopped bleeding. I must have run out of blood.'

"You might fake an illness at home, but here, only a fever makes her a believer."

'My teacher sent me. She said to tell you I'm just not myself.'

'Wow! That's some growth spurt!'

My job is mostly seasonal. The busiest times are cold season, flu season, and allergy season.

'I saw the school nurse put that sign up.'

School nurse to teacher: 'Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well.'

"She's the best nit nurse this school has ever seen."

"My mom wants you to dispense my happy pill just before I get on the bus for home."

Students with backpacks walk in front of doors marked School Counselor, School Nurse, and School Chiropractor.

"I had three 'panic attack' cases today, two first graders and a rookie teacher."

'I need an antacid. I'm having lunch in the school cafeteria today.'

Lice outbreak at Jungle High (lion with a shaved head).

'Who's been cutting their nails again?'

"I had no idea that exercising my right of immunity meant this."

School Budget Cuts

New school supplies.

'The rumour in the playground is that you sort out joints.'

'Show-and-tell with lice?'

"It wasn't a gift Mrs. Banks. I had to fight really hard to get it."

"I tried to warn Timmy about saying all those tongue twisters ... "

"I guess I'll need to stay home from school 'til the bandages come off."

'Kiddie school is teaching about sharing; and someone shared their cold with Jennie,'

St. Ignatius school curbside pcik-up

'Wait until you see the nit nurse's report...'

'I overinflated my sneakers.'

Condom Monitor.

'Tucker's insisting that being compelled to see the school nurse smacks of socialized medicine...'

'The bus driver makes your stomach upset? Tell me about it ... he's my husband.'

'This is a new product - birth control pills shaped like favorite cartoon characters.'

'Jacob sneezed!'

"Tag - you have measles!"

"If you kids must have food fights, try not to do it when the cafeteria is serving soup."

Back to School

"And this is what happens when I eat a peanut."