School Fashion Critic T-Shirts

"I'm not wearing that - it screams first day of school."

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

'No way Doug! You can not stick it to the man in new season, smart casual menswear!'

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

"That shirt is so last year."

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

Tuck Shop

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

Non-Uniform Day Today.

Pam learned the importance of browser support.

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"Did you see that trimmed-up earlier than thou look on her face, just then?"

"You're wearing too much rouge."

'I'm glad to see you finally pulled in sales. Nevertheless, you're fired. Here, we're dealing with socks and shoes, not with suits and shirts.'

"I hope he's wearing pants."

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

"I see we're split between those who like my new tie, and those who welcome unemployment."

"No, those people aren't anorexic. Those people are starving."

"We scarf. We bracelet. We earring. We brooch. In brief, ladies, we accessorize."

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

'Dude, you like, need to get your wallet chain in check!'

'Hold my purse. I'm going in only to complain.'

'Can you wear something quieter than those old corduroys?'

A man with a pocket handkerchief encounters a kangaroo with a pocket handkerchief.

'He doesn't seem to like my haircut.'

The Ravages of Time: Marky Mark, circa 2043

"Would you have anything a bit...'stupider'?"

'That guy is SO tacky.'

"I'm wearing Donna Karan."