School Events T-Shirts

'Basically, what you're saying is I get a box of chocolate chip cookies and the sixth grade class gets a field trip to Tuscany?'

Truancy

'Welcome to Parent Teachers Night. Now sit up straight and be quiet or there'll be a detention or two!'

The Middle-School Dance

Prom Theme: Coronavirus

'Smashing party, Miss - can we have another one tomorrow?'

"I went to 'Bring your kid to work day' so you have to go to 'Back to school night'."

"I'm lactose-intolerant, so can I say 'beans' instead?"

School Sports Day Podium - collapsing under weight of fat kids

'Mom, you're so popular! It was unanimous when I volunteered you to head the team fund raiser!'

Gingerbread man wins school sports day race.

'In a slight change to the programme, the second year jazz quartet aren't playing 'Hello Dolly'. They are however playing truant!'

"I like to you, and I'd dance with you, but you're not my type...you know...tall!"

"Will you be here tonight, Principal Gomez?"

Science Fair: 'We need a new rule - all projects MUST be in a container!'

'Inspectors found the latest bomb blast wasn't terrorism; it was a school science fair project gone wrong.'

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

Juvenile Court

Make us proud and remember to return your textbooks.

"There's always one kid that spoils the class picture."

"You BARFED back in second grade! What other skeletons are there in your closet??"

"Mom, I'm supposed to remind you that I have to bring a valentine for everyone in my school."

I'm running for student council president, so could you keep quiet about the time that I kissed you last year?

"Today was career day at school and some guy handed these out. He said high school students should look at time as the most important."

"Well, you're in good hands. When people come to Jerome's, I give them exactly what they came for!"

"Dad, can you buy some school raffle tickets? The grand prize is a motorcycle!"

"It'll be quicker if we split up our kids' teachers between us. I'll see the ones for Andrea..."

"Since when did we have to give away a swag bag to get people to come to Parents' Night?"

"Give my kid a passing grade and you could be looking at many more nice apples."

"Now listen. During Dad's Day at school - no old stories about me, no nicknames, and absolutely no baby pictures!"

"When do the kids go back to school?" "Oh, I don't know... 8 days, 16 hours and 47 minutes... or so."

"Dang! I can't believe it! Miguel's is closed!"

"At last...after so many missed days...so many cruel days apart...we are together once again!"

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

'And now a moment of silence so that we may never forget the tragic events of March 31st. . . when we ran out of napkins on sloppy Joe Day.'