School Anecdotes Pillows

"What? No! Norma, the hairnets are not edible!"

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

'A dog ate my homework.'

'Second grade. When did you discover 'LMNOP' wasn't one letter?'

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

"Now, my brave little soldier, do you have everything...an apple for your teacher, your satchel, pencils and books - your existential misery??"

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"Coming soon...what I did over summer vacation...the podcast!"

Criminal background checks on teachers? How come? To weed out child abusers. Ha! When you taught, you were routinely accused of severe abuse, mother. True. I inflicted the letters "C," "D" and "F" on many of my students. Wow! That's so outlawed.

"Forget about eating homework, I need you to carry my backpack!"

"... And since then, I've been quietly stalking you."

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

"Math would have been a 'A' if you factor in the fudge factor. I got caught fudging on the final."

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

"I didn't think you'd make it through biology."

'You might not know it now but I used to have some great lesson plans.'

"I forgot my homework, but there's a video of me doing it on youtube."

'Ferguson's not at his desk -- He must be sleepwalking again!'

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

Wow, you're right! Your mom's regurgitated worms are way better than my mom's!

'Dad, the teacher said my grades remind her of old times. She says she was your teacher too.'

"We've unleashed your child's potential—this is as good as it's going to get."

"My problem is, I can't tell the rules from the guidelines."

'When I was a student, wireless data transmission meant passing notes in class.'

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'

'And there goes the school window...'

Love note discovered by teacher

'I do know the capital of France. It's the letter 'F'!'

"Who'd like to start today's show and tell?"

'Before I begin today's lesson, please turn off your cell phones, beepers and ipods.'

'I did have an eventful day at school, but nothing, in my opinion, to write home about.'

Teacher to parents: 'Ah - you're right. What do I know about kids? My biological clock went coo-coo years ago.'

Ok, who told him to stick his tongue on the iceberg?

'Whoa! We sure blew that prediction!'