School Admissions Strategist Pillows

"Now, remember, be the yourself we talked about."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

'It's my application to Harvard...'

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"All right, what's it going to take to make this homework go away?"

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

'You're being evacuated to a better catchment area.'

'That's the bell for round two.'

'A restaurateur prepares macaroni and sells it as pasta. I want you to do the same for the educational program at your school.'

2000 words was tough, but doable. Billy would play the picture paints a 1000 words card, twice!

'I don't have a dog, but I do have a dog app that eats my homework.'

'So, you see, Dad, if we compare our overall school performance, I'm actually doing better than you did at my age.'

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

'You have a good chance of recovery, if you can make it through hospital admissions.'

Principal with 'budget cuts' in-tray and 'creative solutions' out-tray.

'Obviously, the school board is giving an unfair advantage to gifted students.'

Don't you hate finding out that the kid you copied those test answers from is even dumber than you are.

'Take this back to the committee. Since this is a school I would like the mission statement to mention education.'

Boho Bribes

'My kid is going to Harvard, and Jim's son to Stanford- which college accepted yoyr kid, Fred? ( pix of clown on desk)

'Your opinions are a rephrasing of my opinions. I like that in a subordinate.'

'They're praying the school doesn't find out that they've been pretending to be religious.'

'Her special Talent is sulking.'

"It's all set. We both have enough credits to go to college."

"I'm sorry, but Woolfsey Academy expects a basic level of preparation from its candidates. Mistaking vermilion for scarlet? I don't think so.".

"Before I say anything, I'd like to have my friend, who wants to be a lawyer when he grows up, present"

"Does school choice include whether he gets a tenured teacher?"

'This wouldn't have happened if you'd saved to send me to a private school.'

"We help the student qualify for one of the major tutoring centers."

'Yes, dad, I mis-spoke my math grade, covered-up my reprimand from the dean, and cheated on an English quiz, but I'm getting an A in political science.'