Scholarly Fashionista Pillows

'I'm going for that scholarly look while I try to quit smoking. They're nicotine patches.'

'We're promoting you to Full Professor, Ferguson -- Here are your elbow patches!:'

The Style of Elements

Scientists are sexy

Little Princess.

Tuck Shop

Australian punk

"I'm ready for my close-up."

Hoody Woodpecker.

'But I only came to Oxford because I heard I could wear a gown!'

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"That outfit is a nasty mix of stripes and patterns."

Future Old People

"Does it say I'm a Wittgenstein scholar?"

"I was innocent but the jury thought I looked really guilty."

"Derek's sneakers were made in Malaysia. Can anyone show us where Malaysia is?"

Rudy, how come you're not wearing the new uniform? You were serious? You seriously want me to dress like a robot? Of course I do, minion. My nightly perusal of customers' web searches indicates most of them are feeling a bit antisocial lately. They'd probably buy more coffee from a robot than a human. Oh wait ... new web searches coming in. I'm going to need you to dress like a sexy robot. Very bad man.

"We've ruled out anything trendy."

'We're promoting you to Full Professor, Ferguson -- Here are your elbow patches!:'

'Ms. Worden, please go to the library stacks and bring me a few education journals from the 70s. It seems everything old is new again.'

A Guide to Academic Gowns and Hoods

"Jeffrey's in futures."

'It's true. You can go wrong with basic black.'

'I'm mainly interested in something that won't show up on teaching evaluations.'

"Computer, order me two long-sleeved cotton crewnecks in dark wine and green heather."

"I thought I'd be a successful fashion blogger by now."

'The text for this course is available at the college bookstore and on iTunes in a choice of designer colors...avocado, sienna, peach, indigo, Mediterranean, and sunburst.'

'Since issuing hospital gowns to them we've saved on air-conditioning.'

'Nice 'power tie', professor.'

"November 15, 2063 – leonard's eyebrows finally achieve singularity.

'Genetically Modified Underpants.'

Taste in High Life.

Stupid T-Shirt

The Writer

"Even if designer babies become a reality..."