Schedule Satirist T-Shirts

David Trying to Remember How Goliath Ever Got on His Calendar

"This is called the 7:59 because it actually arrived at this time once...."

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'He takes his organization chart seriously.'

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

"Just how long has there been a maraschino cherry at the top of the organizational chart?"

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

Dolestart - A New Initiative

How I met your mother

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

Boring Board Meeting

'Secondhand smoke.'

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

Snowman Driver

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"All those in favor of eroticizing our annual report 'aye.'"

"Well of COURSE it's mostly gobble-dee-gook! Were you expecting something different?"

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

"I started at the bottom and worked my way up to not caring."

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

'Job satisfaction is up, because there are fewer jobs.'

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

'So what do we have here?' - dart board says, Take the Day Off, Ignore the Loser,Do What the Goof Says, and Act Interested.

'Time manager'

The laugh track refuses to work, but I can't see the problem."

Beating by Appointment.

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

'Remember, guys, there's no 'I'll kill you before I ever budge an inch on any position' in TEAMWORK.'

'Gentlemen, circle around on the spot several times and be seated.' - At the dog AGM

'What's the antidote for espresso?'