Schedule Satirist T-Shirts

David Trying to Remember How Goliath Ever Got on His Calendar

"This is called the 7:59 because it actually arrived at this time once...."

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'He takes his organization chart seriously.'

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

"Just how long has there been a maraschino cherry at the top of the organizational chart?"

Dolestart - A New Initiative

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

How I met your mother

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

Boring Board Meeting

"All those in favor of eroticizing our annual report 'aye.'"

Snowman Driver

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'Secondhand smoke.'

"Well of COURSE it's mostly gobble-dee-gook! Were you expecting something different?"

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

'Job satisfaction is up, because there are fewer jobs.'

"I started at the bottom and worked my way up to not caring."

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

'So what do we have here?' - dart board says, Take the Day Off, Ignore the Loser,Do What the Goof Says, and Act Interested.

'Time manager'

Beating by Appointment.

The laugh track refuses to work, but I can't see the problem."

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

'Remember, guys, there's no 'I'll kill you before I ever budge an inch on any position' in TEAMWORK.'

'Gentlemen, circle around on the spot several times and be seated.' - At the dog AGM

"In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen episodes."

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Sean Hannity?'

'What's the antidote for espresso?'