Scent-sensitive Survivor Prints

Shop floor. Clothes peg counter next to the perfume counter.

Woman pouring perfume into her bath.

"I scream! You scream! I can't stop the screaming!"

Barbeque Casualty.

Bottom line, is that the sweet smell of success or your aftershave?

"I'm not saying your after shave smells bad, but.. maybe you should use one mosquitoes don't like so much!"

"It's our latest scent...Dryer Sheet."

Aromatherapy for Men

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'

'Have you tried out new Labrador Retriever Butt Scent?'

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

''Spiced mill cider and home made apple pie.' Am I supposed to freshen the room with this or have it for dessert?'

"Is it just me, or is the pollen particularly bad this year?"

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

'Sure I said I love 'new car smell', but not as an aftershave.'

Pollution.

'Nothing to give him an excuse to say I smell like a cemetery'

'Got anything with a little less musk?'

Overpowering perfume

'Maybe the stuff stinks.'

'You see, I'm allergic to dog dander....'

"Great Perfume!"

Man sneezes and blows flowers out of painting.

"Why waste money on perfume when his favorite scent is stuffed pork chops?"

"Well, I just experienced my first misophoia trigger."

'I don't smell any drugs, just Old Spice, geezer aftershave.'

Dog fetching slippers with a peg on his nose.

"I don't want them to smell fear, so I'm going to roll in something before the interview."

"The tests came back positive. You're H2O intolerant."

Right, like you're the first shrink to recommend aromatherapy.

Online articles are fine, but I miss being annoyed by the fragrance sample cards in print magazines.

'Oh Darling, I just love the smell of your new aftershave...'

Welcome to the real world. What just happened? Where am I? The Mall. The Mall. We've been shopping – in person. Not the kind of shopping where you order things on your phone and have them sent to your house. this is the jungle! And you didn't last five minutes! You were laid out by some geezer hustling to the grocery section to get a special deal on prune juice! E-commerce has made you soft! I've got a scratch on my iPhone.

Environmental danger.

'Do you like my new fragrance - It's called 'Surrender'.'