Scent Collectors Pillows

Randy, what cologne do you wear? Sorry, little buddy. That's a state secret. I've signed an oath not to divulge it, because in the wrong hands it could wreak havoc. Would-be dictators could use it to boost their charisma by a factor of 300. What's in it. A mixture of my natural musk, sunshine and desire.

Old Book Smell

"You got maybe one that smells like cheese blintzes frying?"

"It's our latest scent...Dryer Sheet."

Woman thinking about luxuries.

'Frankincense, dummy! I asked for frankincense!'

Some scents are nonsense.

'Does this perfume have an antidote?'

Old Spice

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'

Pheromones.

'This scent goes well with a diamond necklace.'

The Houseplant Cemetery.

'Got anything with a little less musk?'

'Sure I said I love 'new car smell', but not as an aftershave.'

'Nothing to give him an excuse to say I smell like a cemetery'

'Maybe the stuff stinks.'

"Of course it's not a mirage - mirages don't wear Chanel No 5."

Flower sniffer

"This will make the man in your life wonder where you went."

Excess

"What pheromone are you using?"

"It's for the woman who has everything except a man who knows what she wants."

'That bacon sarnie fragrance gets them every time!'

'This one will bring him to his knees. And this one will start the proposal.'

Canal No. 5: Vagrance

"You get your money back if your don't get laid in seven days."

This cologne reminds my husband of our first kiss, years ago in the old copy room. It's eau de mimeograph.

'Do you like my new fragrance - It's called 'Surrender'.'

Online articles are fine, but I miss being annoyed by the fragrance sample cards in print magazines.

"He'll definitely notice this one madam, especially if you leave the receipt where he can find it."

"Look! He's found my scent!"

"Wait, are you wearing my Hermes 24 Faubourg."

'It was a personality clash form the very beginning. My perfume versus his after shave!'

'I'm not happy with my 'honey and lilac' shampoo.'