Sauce Philosopher Pillows

"Have we got Ranch? What the hell is Ranch??"

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

Mayo-A-Mayo

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

"If a fruit doesn't have a lolly flavour, is it a real fruit?"

'Jim's blogging his thought for the day. He doesn't have any profound thoughts, he just has one thought per day.'

"And not only do I make my own pizza sauce, I have a special way of crushing the tomatoes!"

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

"I'm your surrogate mother, son. I just provided the oven."

Einstein tests his pasta-antipasto theory.

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

"Cheer up! There's a magic ingredient that makes it easy to eat vegetables...CHEESE SAUCE!"

I blame society for putting me here. But mostly I blame metallurgy for keeping me here.

"What if we could see five dimensions?"

"Why is living my best life so fattening?"

"An intellectual is a man who can look at a Mondrian without thinking of Battenburg cake."

"They're all down there sentenced to an an eternity of fornication, licentiousness and intoxication."

Paranormal tips: sandwiches with crop circles may lead to marmalade stains on trousers

'Cake philosophy'

I'm having fun, all in all. But there is one question which I attempted to answer and no matter what, I fail: Why do candy stores have business hours?

"You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear, but you can make a killer Bolognese sauce."

"Poor jelly babies. It's a short like, and a chewy one."

Hell's Ethics

The New Philosophy Sitcom: Sartre Trek, Boldly Going Nowhere.

Political Science Fiction.

"My analyst said I should channel the emotions of my divorce into an activity or pastime. Matador comes to mind."

'He said I was one in a million but forgot to tell me about the other nine hundred and ninety nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine.'

"Hey!!! That isn't sunblock! It's Worcestershire Sauce!"

Monkey, do you think I'm wasting my life at this cafe? I serve coffee and scones, make small talk with strangers and regulars, clean up their messes and the bathroom. Tell my problems to a mute monkey who doesn't even listen and thinks only about food. House of Java.net Cybercafe. That's right, I'm on to you.

"No kidding… the meaning of life is Twizzlers?!"

'The more important question then, is who is cracker?'

'This French food is pretty good, except for that beurre bleeech sauce.'

'We're pleased to announce we've taken a controlling interest in your personality.'