Sauce Philosopher Pillows

"Have we got Ranch? What the hell is Ranch??"

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

Mayo-A-Mayo

"If a fruit doesn't have a lolly flavour, is it a real fruit?"

'Jim's blogging his thought for the day. He doesn't have any profound thoughts, he just has one thought per day.'

"And not only do I make my own pizza sauce, I have a special way of crushing the tomatoes!"

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

"I'm your surrogate mother, son. I just provided the oven."

"Cheer up! There's a magic ingredient that makes it easy to eat vegetables...CHEESE SAUCE!"

"They're all down there sentenced to an an eternity of fornication, licentiousness and intoxication."

"An intellectual is a man who can look at a Mondrian without thinking of Battenburg cake."

"Why is living my best life so fattening?"

"What if we could see five dimensions?"

Paranormal tips: sandwiches with crop circles may lead to marmalade stains on trousers

"Poor jelly babies. It's a short like, and a chewy one."

The New Philosophy Sitcom: Sartre Trek, Boldly Going Nowhere.

'Cake philosophy'

I'm having fun, all in all. But there is one question which I attempted to answer and no matter what, I fail: Why do candy stores have business hours?

Hell's Ethics

"You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear, but you can make a killer Bolognese sauce."

"No kidding… the meaning of life is Twizzlers?!"

'The more important question then, is who is cracker?'

Political Science Fiction.

'This French food is pretty good, except for that beurre bleeech sauce.'

'He said I was one in a million but forgot to tell me about the other nine hundred and ninety nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine.'

"My analyst said I should channel the emotions of my divorce into an activity or pastime. Matador comes to mind."

"Hey!!! That isn't sunblock! It's Worcestershire Sauce!"

"I suppose if I'm really honest with myself I'm not totally fine with being slaughtered."

'We're pleased to announce we've taken a controlling interest in your personality.'