Satirical_scenario_enthusiast T-Shirts

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

"I'm a common dolphin, I swim the west coast of Scotland foraging for fish and squid."

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

"You work for the family business, and I am your father, not the patriarchal oppressor..."

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'Not only can I not find the middle class tax cut, I can't find the middle class.'

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

"Cartoonist are harmless? Not at all!! These people have weapons!! Here, see for yourself!"

Militant Pacifists

'This is a very dysfunctional company. No one will talk aboaut about the elephant in the boardroom!'

"I always wondered who got my transplant."

"My parents just raised my home school tuition."

"Alright, fire me. But I'm taking back your "World's Greatest Boss" coffee mug!"

Multiple personalities with blogs.

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

"Can't we just go after sailfish...?"

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

Time for today's dose of emotional manipulation...

"I'm afraid it's the bankruptcy virus."

I knew we were in uncharted waters when our chickens started asking questions like these:

"He can't speak to you at the moment - he's bonding with his compensation package."

Surgical Self-Service

"See? No socialists."

"Of course I'm proud to work here... Why do you ask?

'Oh great,,, More protesters getting on our case about how the magazine industry creates 'unrealistic standards' for the human body,'

Money laundering.

'I like it.'