Satirical Legal Enthusiast Pillows

'I seem to have brought the wrong brief case, your honor.'

Trial by Media

"Bailiff."

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"We make crime pay."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

"At least he's honest about it..."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'He started it!'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"I should have been a lawyer. I'm great at ambulance chasing!"

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

"Legally, I have the right to talk as slowly and boringly about all your options as I want."

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

'Littering, Your Honor.'

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

No offense intended your honor…It just seemed like this case screamed for a frivolous law suit…

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

Mega Pharmaceuticals Legal Dept. What if we claim a generic knockoff of our miracle drug is blasphemous?