Satirical Cooks Prints

The Barefoot Cro-magnon.

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'Needs more kale.'

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

Beef Stew.

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'People soup again?'

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'Mmmm. How do you get the custard so creamy? You must give me the recipie!'

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

'This is not Hungarian stew. Sorry, the butcher ran out of Hungarians.'

Intolerant Chef

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'