Satirical Believer T-Shirts

"Thank you for holding, your prayers have advanced in the queue and will be answered by the next available deity."

Priest's 'To do' list.

Ghostwriting the Bible

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Yes, all at once!'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

At the 2021 Religious Games

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'You don't have to be a boring bastard to work here but it helps.'

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

"I'm a common dolphin, I swim the west coast of Scotland foraging for fish and squid."

The Ten Really Cool Facts

'Even More Disciples'

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

Cheap Labour Countries.

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."