Satires Gifts

'The policy pays out in the case of accidental death, or if you can make it look like an accident.'

The advanced motivational exercise required killing the boss, burying the body and not ratting out your co-workers.

"I'm so hungry, I could eat a cow."

"The Eunuch meets the salesman of all salesmen"

Are you sure this is what your husband meant when he said he wanted a quiet send-off?

'I robbed the bank because I wanted to make a DIFFERENCE!'

"Yes darling, of course you're Mr. Right... It's just that Dave here, is Mr. Righter."

"One or two customers have complained of vomiting and diarrhoea. But don't worry, it only seems to be a twenty-four hour thing."

"I'm sorry, but we don't serve women here."

"You are a glutton! I told you to avoid high cholesterol blood!"

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

Occu-Pie Mars

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"You're fired."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

UK/US Free Trade Deal

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Life is for the birds.

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)