Satires Gifts

'The policy pays out in the case of accidental death, or if you can make it look like an accident.'

The advanced motivational exercise required killing the boss, burying the body and not ratting out your co-workers.

CIA HQ. No, my conscience doesn't bother me --- it doesn't have the security clearance to know what I'm doing.

"I'm so hungry, I could eat a cow."

"The Eunuch meets the salesman of all salesmen"

Are you sure this is what your husband meant when he said he wanted a quiet send-off?

'I robbed the bank because I wanted to make a DIFFERENCE!'

"Yes darling, of course you're Mr. Right... It's just that Dave here, is Mr. Righter."

"One or two customers have complained of vomiting and diarrhoea. But don't worry, it only seems to be a twenty-four hour thing."

"I'm sorry, but we don't serve women here."

"You are a glutton! I told you to avoid high cholesterol blood!"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"This position has become very important to the company."

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

Occu-Pie Mars

"You're fired."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

Hollywood Sign Developers

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

UK/US Free Trade Deal

They're Not Just That Into It