Satire Journalist Pillows

CIA Recommended TVs

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Copycats

Support the Ex-Troops

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

Torturing the English Language

Pretty Flowers

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

The height of fashion in 1796

reincarnated worm...

"Gee, thanks pal."

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

"I don't like the looks of that!"

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"We're suing you under equal opportunities legislation for failure to represent our rights"

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

I've Always Wanted to Be Oppressed By Someone Who Looks Like Me

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

Meat Grinder

The americanisation of vulture.

Our Two Parties, Explained