Sardonic Comedy Fan Pillows

"And do you get a shooting pain between your eyes?"

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

Two vending machines for fisherman: 'Live Bait' next to 'Dead as a Doornail Bait'

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

How I Spent My Summer Vacation: Page One

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

Fish eating smaller fish in a tank.

"That's right. An increase in your title!"

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

Men working (part time).

Targets

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

'Have you considered the career enhancement opportunities of giving birth in your lunch hour?'

"Most of the time, it's unclear what our company does exactly."

Man falls off perch

"It floated. I want my money back."

'And who told you to give the Holy Shroud a good wash?'

"This is the most transparent administration in history..."

T.S. Eliot calendar.

'Yes Sir, I am at this very minute passing on your recommendations for staff wage cuts to the appropriate department'

'The critic says, 'the film had me on the edge of my seat and long gone before it ended'.'

'You needn't of bothered, it grows on trees up here.'

'Sure that money - detecting app works. It detected you had money didn't it?'

Cards Galore.

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

'I'm never having kids, I hear they take nine months to download.'

Je-Hereford's Witnesses

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

"Hold on a second there, Roger; Ken's raised some very good points."