Sarcophagus Seeker Pillows

It says not only was he a kind and benevolent ruler, he was a fun type too.

We lucked out. This one's wrapped in videotape.

German Expressionist Breakfast

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"Bigfoot"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'The Burrito King.'

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

An ancient Egyptian exhibit at a museum.

New Flavors at Where's the Scoop Ice Cream

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

Afraid of change - leave it here.

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

Wow, Ernie, another previously undiscovered tomb. And it has some unusual images. Is that a picture of the first sandwich? A thumbs up is next to it. The first "like"! Here's a drawing of a family and a heart has been added. The first emoji! This bird looks exactly like one we saw in the last tomb. The first retweet. Could this be the first social media? Yes! And this is how they scrolled!

"You can't lose pal. For a small fee, you make huge commissions every time you sell those babies."

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

IMHOtep

The guy who got in on the ground floor

The Olympic Booze-a-thon.

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

"Oh, may I freshen your drink, Dr. Marshall?"

'I should've never sold my truck when I moved to the city.'

Lenny the Cadaver dog had one heck of a story to tell the boys at the k-9 training...

'Yeah, I know it's a plastic carrot: I wanted a low-maintenance system...'

"The legend is true. Bigger Foot exists."

"My New Year's resolution is to acknowledge the dog, but you know how hard resolutions are."

A yeoman misunderstanding an order from his drill-sergeant

'I would suggest a Cabernet Sauvignon. It's non habit forming. I should know. I've been drinking a glass every day for twenty years.'

"Sorry, boss. . . Google also doesn't know where your missing person is. I have no idea where to look now. . ."

'I don't know why you wanted a high def television when you have low def eyesight!'

Entertaining The Troops On Wall Street

Trump to Build Wall