Sarcastic Sun-seeker Gifts

'We had an all-inclusive-holiday. Bad weather, lousy food, arrogant waiters, crappy hotel and outrageous prices - all that was included.'

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

IT staffer vacation tan lines.

"...it was believed that anyone who displeased it would meet with a terrible fate, which of course is complete nonsen..."

"The damsel-in-distress thing is just one of several income streams that I pursue."

"Your brochure led me to believe it'd have a more temperate climate."

"They don't call it 'The Boulevard of Broken Dreams' for nothing, kid."

Geek Beach

"Where do you see yourself in five years and what are you doing now to avoid it?"

Hang In There, Baby!

"It was such a nice day, so I took spot for a three hour ride in the convertible."

Summer & winter holiday at once

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water.

"That'll beat the hayfever but it may affect your all-over tan."

'Look on the bright side - it used to be marigolds.'

Skiing cross country, vic ran out of snow near toledo.

'Fake tan? Not me!'

'Hey, Flower! That crabgrass put a perfectly legal chokehold on you! Stop your whining!'

'This tanning booth's playing up again, Brian.'

"So is this the fun part, or will there be even bigger bugs sticking to my face soon?"

"Disgusting! Those two just took a roll in the hay!"

"A fortnight's holiday in Spain, and you bring a gift of a measly pebble? Well, I suppose it's a change from a flippin' mug!"

"Just in case ... "

"Coming to the beach is a great way to stay in shape."

Cards: Get Well Get hit by a Bus

What I always say - don't be irreverent to God and mother nature!

"No, I have not let Jesus into my life, as he might ring the doorbell when I'm dozing on the sofa."

"Christmas is like a day at work? You do all the work and a fat guy in a suit gets all the credit."