Sarcastic Sidekick Pillows

Lars, there's something I need to tell you. Erp. Oh, excuse me, Linda. When my stomach senses yet another breakup speech, I get gas.

"Hello?! My neighbour's being a real nuisance...he won't give me his wallet."

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

"Well if it comes to that you're not exactly Mr Wonderful."

"Mom, Dad - I'm a sidekick. I've always been a sidekick. And I want you to know that I have a pardner."

Admit it Doc. You're jealous because my home remedy worked better than your fancy prescription!

"Well, here he is. He just grew on me until I couldn't stand it anymore."

'You always wanted a larger office with a view.'

'Gentlemen, it's time we tightened our belts.'

Home Sweet Mortgage (worth more than the house).

Sidekick speed matching service.

Didn't we fire you last week?

You give dives a bad name. Somebody has to!

"Just say the word and I'll love you."

"If you need me, I’ll be in the living room clawing the bejesus out of that Navajo rug you just picked up at auction."

You know, I'll always think of the song that's on the Juke box right now as

'It's a duet yourself project.'

Now Showing: "Mucky Wucky" Rated Z. That means Roger Ebert slept through it.

'I just read that in order to get the same benefit as lab mice got from taking resveratrol, you'd have to drink 1,000 bottles of wine per day. For you, that would mean cutting back.'

'That's mighty inspiring, Bucky, but I reckon my best hope for gittin' outta this quicksand is for you to reach me that cardboard tube.'

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

'That's four million, one hundred and eighty straight misses, Mr Fenson. Your shooting has gone all to hell.'

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

It's too cold...the boss is a jerk...my feet hurt.

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

'Paramedic' 'Doctor' 'Clean underpants man'

He gave her a big bear hug. The kind that says, I love you, I'll never leave you, I'm possessive, needy and insecure.

'You have to get out more and meet new people you can find fault with.'

"This could be a job for....Slothman. Nahhh."

"If I'd wanted undercooked pig swill I would have stayed home and let my wife do the cooking!"

"You should have called me earlier."

'Yon lad's got a chip on his shoulder.' 'Aye, he's certainly a messy eater.'

'I let Ed sleep through these meetings. His snoring keeps the others awake.'

'We lost six nil!. . . and we were lucky to get the nil!'

'I'd prefer the banks were re-formed and Destiny's Child split up.'