Sarcastic Sidekick Mugs

"Hello?! My neighbour's being a real nuisance...he won't give me his wallet."

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

"Well if it comes to that you're not exactly Mr Wonderful."

"Mom, Dad - I'm a sidekick. I've always been a sidekick. And I want you to know that I have a pardner."

"Well, here he is. He just grew on me until I couldn't stand it anymore."

Admit it Doc. You're jealous because my home remedy worked better than your fancy prescription!

'You always wanted a larger office with a view.'

Sidekick speed matching service.

Home Sweet Mortgage (worth more than the house).

"Just say the word and I'll love you."

"If you need me, I’ll be in the living room clawing the bejesus out of that Navajo rug you just picked up at auction."

Didn't we fire you last week?

'It's a duet yourself project.'

'That's mighty inspiring, Bucky, but I reckon my best hope for gittin' outta this quicksand is for you to reach me that cardboard tube.'

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

'That's four million, one hundred and eighty straight misses, Mr Fenson. Your shooting has gone all to hell.'

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

It's too cold...the boss is a jerk...my feet hurt.

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

'Paramedic' 'Doctor' 'Clean underpants man'

He gave her a big bear hug. The kind that says, I love you, I'll never leave you, I'm possessive, needy and insecure.

'You have to get out more and meet new people you can find fault with.'

"I'm weaning Bob from the TV. That's a placebo remote."

'Yon lad's got a chip on his shoulder.' 'Aye, he's certainly a messy eater.'

"You should have called me earlier."

"If I'd wanted undercooked pig swill I would have stayed home and let my wife do the cooking!"

'I let Ed sleep through these meetings. His snoring keeps the others awake.'

'We lost six nil!. . . and we were lucky to get the nil!'

"This could be a job for....Slothman. Nahhh."

'I'd prefer the banks were re-formed and Destiny's Child split up.'