Sarcastic Neighbor Pillows

"See that yard with the garden gnomes and the idiot waxing his Nissan Cube? That's your bathroom."

$1: Family Secrets

'Honey, the neighbors have persuaded me to stop coming out into the hallway every morning to play 'reveille'!'

'You always wanted a larger office with a view.'

'I'm Marcus and I'll be listening in on your conversations this evening.'

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

"This neighborhood has a strong sense of community that borders on siege mentality."

'Be careful what you say around Marjorie...'

Didn't we fire you last week?

"I'll tell you the same thing everybody's telling Donald Trump - stop your damn tweeting!"

'It's the people downstairs again.'

"If you need me, I’ll be in the living room clawing the bejesus out of that Navajo rug you just picked up at auction."

Man look over neighbours fence at a man mowing his lawn. He is wearing a suit of armour to protect him from stones being thrown up by mower.

Yesterday you lost your sheep and suddenly, today, Mary next door has a little lamb... Pretty big coincidence is all I'm sayin'.

"Let me through, I'm a busybody."

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

Pavlov's neighbor gets a wind chime.

'That's four million, one hundred and eighty straight misses, Mr Fenson. Your shooting has gone all to hell.'

"Don't worry about him. It's all a bluff."

Bloke trimming hedge to look like neighbour/wife.

Dave began to suspect that he had moved next door to the neighbour from hell.

'Get me everything on scapegoats.'

Nice to see you!

It's too cold...the boss is a jerk...my feet hurt.

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

'So what's all this I hear about you installing an interesting water feature in your garden?'

'I'd prefer the banks were re-formed and Destiny's Child split up.'

A huge, mind-boggling number.

'I let Ed sleep through these meetings. His snoring keeps the others awake.'

Privacy in the garden.

#1 Jerk-off

"You should have called me earlier."