Sapling Sage Mugs

'No, sorry, money is the root of all evil!'

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

'The hair specialist is down the hall.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"You like it? We purchased the fourth wall from 'Westworld'."

'Leader shy and angler wise I can put up with - it's the darn insolence that bothers me.'

Saguaro Cacti.

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

The chairman's boat springs a leak: 'Just keep bailing and never mind the wisecracks.'

'What if your tree grows, Burl? Won't it choke to death?'

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

Sigh...things wear oud, dust collects, people die... Why can't you just relax and enjoy life? Because one thing really worries me... Reincarnation, right? ou know me too well, woman.

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

'About that blood pressure...stop taking things with a grain of salt.'

This salad tastes funky� Is this ranch dressing? Oh, I'm sorry, sir� I thought you ordered raunch dressing.

'Maybe I'm not a failure — maybe I'm just a late bloomer!'

"I'm bad with languages. The only foreign sounding phrase I know is crack-a-brewski."

"Hey... Where'd everybody go?"

"I'm 92 years old, Larry ... why in the heck would I plant perennials?!"

Examine stored vegetables and throw out those which show signs of rotting.

"It needs more old salt."

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

Springtime on Maple Drive...

'I just love the change of seasons.'

"You tell him it needs more salt, I'm not telling him!"

I imagine at your age, you attend a lot of funerals, Sadie. Oh, yes, they're quite lovely. As a child, I attended birthday parties. As a lass, I attended sweet sixteens. As a young adult, I attended weddings. As a mature woman, I attended retirement parties. Now, in the twilight of life, I attend funerals. "Deathday" parties, if you will. And it's beautiful. Because it's all come full circle? Because for once, I don't have to buy the %$&*@ a gift.

Weight and Fortune.

'Cooking, it's rocket science...'

"I think you've crossed the line, Alphonse, from seasoning to herbal medicine."

Country & High Brow.

"Becoming the frog king doesn't mean as much now that everyone else is extinct."

"You experience violent mood swings from elation to despair? That's normal for a boat owner."