Sand Avoider Mugs

Beach Burger - without sand 75 cents extra.

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

Good News about winter

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

' I hit two good balls today - when I stepped on that rake.'

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

"I can skip my bath. On the way home I jumped in all the puddles."

"I prefer the mountains to the beach. I feel like less of a cow.''

Mr. Macho at the game... and after the game is over.

"And that's why we don't have nice things."

'As a bachelor I have to wash my own clothes, clean my own room. The do it all again three months later.'

Wow, look what you've stepped in: Boy I'm glad I'm not the one having to lick it off...

"My neighborhood is getting too noisy. Traffic, screaming kids, barking dogs … I'm used to living in quiet desperation."

How to deal with weeds

'Any place that doesn't have snow.'

"Apparently, my self-driving car doesn't like driving in the snow, because it took it upon itself to drive 1,200 miles to somewhere warm while I wasn't paying attention."

You're right. Winter in Florida sounds better every year.

There's leftover apple crisp! Whoever finishes it up, please clean the baking dish. Hey! It's not finished!!

'Unfortunately, Mr.Beckons, your son Dean is very allergic to grass. . .'

"I'm just going to stay in the car until all the bees die off."

"Don't just pin this on me. You didn't want to kill the spider either."

'No, it's true, I've never seen snow... I always seem to end up going South for winter...'

'Why can't you do that while I'm on the golf course?'

Lawyers don't go to the beach, because cats try to bury them.

"I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone that does yard work."

'Beautiful day out there, folks. Don't miss it. Complete coverage, coming up next.'

'Joe doesn't like the sun... he prefers the shade!'

Indoor sauna.

"We can't stay. Charles freaks out without some electronic device beeping or blinking at him."

"I told you not to order the eggs sunny side up!"

'Nature makes me nervous!'

Too posh to wash...

Woman afraid of a computer mouse.

"I've been down here 50 years, but you'd never know it. Staying out of the sun has kept my skin fresh, firm and wrinkle-free."

Virtual priority