Samaritan T-Shirts

'Hi, it's me - I'm under a train.'

"Hello coastguard, it's my husband, he's beached"

Emily Dickinson Rebooted

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

Pirate

'We are now passing through the Sicilian Triangle, otherwise known as 'The Drink','

"Delivery."

Solitaire card shark.

"Is this your husbands first flight?"

"It's a pizza leaflet..."

'Stop saying, 'All in.' You're playing Solitaire.'

Castaway on a desert island with one tree finds a hammock.

'I've discovered that the rings around Saturn are composed of lost keys, socks and grocery lists.'

'Do you have to bring your work home with you?'

"Lights...Camera...No Action...The Flaw in 'Celebrity Solitaire'"

'Do you do anything other than coconut?'

"Dad's home."

'He'd fall over backwards to help anybody.'

'I don't need to exercise to lose weight. The odor in this locker room suppressed all my appetite.'

Self-sacrifice to aid others

Life's choices (Tampons and Chocolate).

"Young man, you're the only one who bothered to stop!"

Killing time, and vice versa....

'The only thing I don't like about playing solitaire on the computer is you can't peek under the cards.'

Farmers prepare for spring seeding.

Quiet night? Liven up that game of solitaire with a Mexican wave.

'He was offered a role in a sitcom and has the potential to be a successful child actor. We've already set up a legal defense fund.'

"How many times are young going to playback that last episode of 'Friends'?"

A Real Working Vacation.

"These are my parents, the bingers. Mom binges on shows, and dad on food."

"I'll say one thing for you. You've got green fingers."

"Remember when you said 'retirement' was a dirty word?"

"Hoppy are the peace makers"

"You know what I like about L.A.? We don't have to be interesting anymore."