Salvage Expert Pillows

"They call me the king of railroad salvage - 'they' being my wife, actually."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

The dumpster code - find something, leave something.

IRMA Hurricane Recovery in Cuba

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

Pull the udder one

"Hoora! I made it through another day!"

'It's your fault. I told you to watch that wet spot.'

'Rubbing sticks together was a great idea. After 40 minutes, I'm so warm I don't need a fire!'

'What it all means is, ker-booom!'

Bowling ball head.

"We're going to have a post-flood economy to deal with."

To prevent geese from flying toward its planes, Jupiter Airlines made some key design changes,

'I am prosecuting you for a breach of article 5 of the explosives act, storing black powder in a dangerous manor on unlicensed premises.'

Safety first - be aware of what is around you.

'I know we got the job, but trust me, ‘dress for success' always applies, even after the interview.'

'Just when you think things can't get any worse, it starts to rain.'

"I failed driver's ed....Apparently there's like this rule about rear-ending a police car!"

'Our cries of Armageddon were completely ignored, so let's just keep throwing money at the economy.'

Leaning Tower of Pisa

A Vet? I had you picked in advertising.

Message in a bottle.

'Wow, it's lucky he shot at you with a rifle and not a shotgun, otherwise, you would have been a goner...'

This place is crawling with backstabbers, but they don't worry me.

Dept. of Antiquities

Well, I think that Bob's Disaster Recovery Plan seems to cover everything.

Now do you see the point of regular electrical checks?

'When I get the clumsies, switch me to a sippy-cup.'

Manifold Destiny

'Turns out I too am a slow-moving mass of low pressure, running in a counter-clockwise direction...'

'We've been offered NATO membership.'

Desert Island being circled by sharks.

'Unreal - six days and he's stronger than ever - the guy's an absolute camel!'

Maid

"I don't know - the EPA was here when I left last night."