Sales Strategy Master Gifts

'Jenkins, you could be a great salesman if only you'd stop barking at customers and nibbling the furniture.'

Larry's used art

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"Jill Hamster's entrepreneurial disaster"

"We structured the deal so it won't make any sense to you."

Sales.

Man mourns the loss of his king after being checkmated.

'We have to go global since nobody around here will buy our product.'

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

Brick Salesman

Sales Chart: Boomerangs LTD

Gerald Ratner's return

"Post holiday sales look similar to the crater that killed the dinosaurs."

'Now think, Harris, what did you do different on that day?'

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

'Jones, somewhere out there, we've lost our common sense. I want you to go and bring it back.'

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

Competitior Sales - "Now I come to the feel good factor"

'Well Miss Hayward, your suggestion of trying Feng Shui didn't work.'

"Today we welcome back an old friend."

"That's a new side effect of our mission to keep things together."

Entertainment systems

'Hank here brings 10 years of top sales experience to our company so let's all try to make him feel welcome while he makes you all look bad...'

'If you don't pay us, I'll tell all your creditors you have.'

"At bonus time, just don't forget where you get your intellectual property."

'Okay, here's the plan...'

'Rabner is tops in customer retention.'

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"

Sinking sales

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

'I think I know what the problem is!'