Sales Performance Pillows

"Can I order a complete re-install please? Not my computer, my sales staff."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

Larry's used art

"Just be yourself."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

'They all want to play the star.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'What do you do with the time you save?'

Snowprov

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

Olivia just hacked into the boy scouts' site and sold them 30,000 boxes of cookies.

Lethal Presentation