Sales Improvement Pillows

"Apart from invented a time machine and go back to 1998, does anybody have any other ideas?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

Larry's used art

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'What do you do with the time you save?'

Lethal Presentation

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

Sales chart is buildings in background.

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

SALE

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

Wolf trying on sheep's clothing at a retail store.

"Serendipity is not a strategy."