Salary Strategist Pillows

'Since I plan on working for your company for the next 20 years, I was hoping to get all my paychecks up front.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"Oh yeah? Well, your dad makes more, but my dad's not stuck in a high-paying job he hates but is too scared to leave."

"Can we count on you to give our customers added value?"

"It turns out the thing that makes my career fulfilling is making more money than other people."

'$800,000 per year? Is that with or without an incentive bonus?'

'The salary is negotiable...take it or leave it.'

'Don't worry about it. If at first we don't succeed, we can do it later and get paid time-and-a-half for it.'

'You're overqualified, and we under pay. It evens out. Welcome aboard, Barnes.'

You Call That A Raise?

'We've been given three months notice backdated twelve weeks.'

The Evolution of the Bonus

'Nothing this week †between your pay and your deductions, you broke even.'

'I'm hoping to get a rise from my boss.'

'Well £60 million is less than I'm used to. . . but now that we've agreed my bonus, what working capital will the bank have?'

'Salary requirement? -- Just keep me out of the top two percent.'

That was your rise, sir.

"These are 'small bucks,' Josh. You have to work here a long time to get the 'big bucks'."

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

"With so many applicants for a few jobs, we can lower the pay and drop the benefits!"

"How good are you at saying to your wife, 'We can't afford it.'?"

"Do you realise 25% of your salary goes to the government?"

'You think you get too little, and I think you get too much - so let's compromise...you carry on at your present salary.'

'Do you think now's a good time to ask for a raise?' - 'I wouldn't if I was you. She gave me one this morning.'

'What we're looking for is a workaholic who would be willing to work for the minimum wage.'

'These public sector types have no idea the way that things work in the real world!'

'Ah, Gripes, you want to discuss a raise with me, eh? Come in, sit down, make yourself comfortable!'

"So do I take it that's a 'NO' to the pay rise?"

37 days since I got my last bonus.

..four times more money in your pay packet...

"We pay you 90% of what you are worth... and you give 110%... so we end up even at 100%. OK?"

'He was hoping for £45,000 but I could only get him £44,500. . . I can hardly stand it.'

I'm not making enough money to like you.

'So much for 'pay peanuts and you get monkeys' - the monkey says he won't touch the job for less than ten grand and benefits.'

"I understand you wanted to talk about a risky pay raise scheme."