Salary Strategists Pillows

It had taken nine months, but Jim was finally ready to go back into his boss's office and claim his raise.

"I'm applying for a job here. Is the pay good?"

"Under 'salary desired', could you be more specific than 'obscene'?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"We can waste time and look for a solution or...just find a scapegoat?"

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

The Evolution of the Bonus

"Be careful what you wish for, Bob, because you just might get it. And if it happens to be what I was wishing for, things could get pretty ugly around here."

"What if he's bluffing? What if he's not? What if the room just gets too hot?"

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"You're a genius, Shaw. This is an idea whose copyright has expired."

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'Don't worry about it. If at first we don't succeed, we can do it later and get paid time-and-a-half for it.'

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

I'm not making enough money to like you.

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

"Oh dear...I don't think negotiations are going too well..."

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

'At Tesmer holdings, we don't break the rules! We change them!'

'Our job will be to drag the competition down to our level.'