Salary Negotiation Period Gifts

Sorry Hapgood, a rise is out of the question. How about a loan?

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

'Salaries Manager. No.'

The Evolution of the Bonus

"My salary app pings when another new male exec at my level is making more than 77% of what I make."

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'I hear you got your increase.' - 'Yes, that proves my theory, if you whine enough, you get anything you want.'

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

"Is this about your raise?"

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

'I took your advice and told him either I get a raise or I quit!'

"We can't actually pay you, but your work will get a lot of exposure."

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

"...That's agreed then, we raise our salaries by 40%..."

'Regarding where you stand for a payrise - you don't.'

'What would you say to a salary increase?'

"Either accept the pay reduction or you get sent down to the minors."

"To be honest the culture sucks, but the pay is amazing."

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

'Look, O'Brien, you can't just waltz in here like that and demand a raise.'

Thanks, I'd like to accept the job, but what is the salary? Sorry, it's against company policy to disclose that!

Management buy-out.

'Gibson, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

'I can't give you a raise... but I can rent you a cubicle.'

'A raise? Listen, Pomeroy -- you know how I feel about clumsy attempts to fine-tune the economy!'

"Tell the staff that I wanted to increase their salary, but that box of donuts I purchased for the break room hurt us financially."

"Find out who put a 100 dollar bill in the suggestion box. This person has potential!"