Salary Negotiation Aficionado T-Shirts

"As I said before, I refuse to play for this team until they pay me as much as my fantasy owner."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

The Evolution of the Bonus

Tug of Negotiation and Conciliation.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"My salary app pings when another new male exec at my level is making more than 77% of what I make."

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

'Maybe you should reconsider those place cards, Ms Harris?' (Negotiation talks/Good Guys/Bad Guys)

"Is this about your raise?"

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

"So do I take it that's a 'NO' to the pay rise?"

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"Finally we have something in common...mutual distrust."

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

"...That's agreed then, we raise our salaries by 40%..."

"Before we begin, we'd like to remind you that we're an employee owned company."

'What would you say to a salary increase?'

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

Sure, I'll sit, but I want half the treat upfront.

Goodenow & Bettman: We have a deal Bob! But do we have any fans left?

"Just to get the negotiations off on the right foot, I don't intent to concede anything."

"Before we start our wages negotiation talks, the lads would like to congratulate the chairman on his 83% salary increase."

"Your interest in the salary makes me wonder how 'self-motivated' you really are."

'My final offer.'

',,,and you can name your salary as long as it falls within our range of underpaid employees,'

After the latest pay bonus and benefit awards you've won, I've decided to join you on the shop floor.

'Sir, for Heavens' sake, stop screaming! It's just Mr Winkleberger asking for a raise!'

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"The union is objecting to our 'grotesquely inflated' wages, do you think they'd settle for 'outrageously inflated' instead?"

"Marriage, mortal combat. Tomato, tomahto."

'If negotiations sour, throw a handful in his eyes.'