Salary Management Pillows

'Don't worry about it. If at first we don't succeed, we can do it later and get paid time-and-a-half for it.'

'After deductions you owe us forty two pounds.'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'Salaries Manager. No.'

The Evolution of the Bonus

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"My salary app pings when another new male exec at my level is making more than 77% of what I make."

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

Counting part time employees is the new math.

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

Targets.

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'

Help wanted. Various positions available.

"Is this about your raise?"

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

"HR think we need to look again at your recruitment strategy."

"So do I take it that's a 'NO' to the pay rise?"

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

"Carl, let me start off by saying I'm prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt and treat you as a full-fledged human being."

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

"To be honest the culture sucks, but the pay is amazing."

"They pay well but they expect a lot from you."

"I already GAVE you a raise, three weeks from now!"

'My stretch goal for this year is to get 52 weekly paychecks.'

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

"You should probably pass if they offer stock options."

'I had every intention of giving you your pay check, Ken, but the payroll computer has decided you don't deserve it.'

"I tried to hire a hamburger fry cook from a fast food joint for our cafeteria but he wouldn't take the cut in pay."

'You say here that hard work doesn't scare you as long as you hide your eyes.'

'If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?'

"I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't make you work your a** off!"

'Oh, that's a deduction to pay for management perks.'