Salary Deduction Analyst T-Shirts

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"

"The Box is bigger, the contents smaller, increased the price and called it improved."

Experience-Productivity Ratio / Age-Salary Ratio.

'Look at my huge salary as inspiration to you...'

"Worst budget cuts ever!"

Your son has a genetic inability to calculate. This forecasts for him a brilliant career in the Ministry of Finance.

'It may seem we're sinking deeper into debt, but really we're just experiencing a quarter of negative growth.'

"No, we don't have a pension plan. We don't expect our employees to ever retire."

Since I took command of the company, I have steered a steady course.

"Can money buy happiness? Certainly not the amount I'm paying you."

"I think you should provide a 401(k) with my allowance."

"If I paid you what you're worth, you'd be working for nothing!"

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'

'Desks equipped with airbags - for now that's our company's health plan.'

Income inequality vs Income Diversity.

'...but if daddy raised your allowance he'd be hurting the economy by stimulating inflation. You wouldn't want him to do that, would you?'

'This is the part of my paycheck that goes to taxes.'

'Water into wine is certainly impressive. D'you do water into petrol?'

'If this warning label on cigarettes packets doesn't stop people smoking, nothing will.'

Of Congress can't come to an agreement on a spending plan...

Your new salary is closely linked to profits - a smaller salary means more profits.

Tax Preparer. I'm working on my client's tax returns. Mars, being the "red planet," is claiming a business operating loss. Jupiter, with all those moons, takes deductions for almost 70 dependents. And earth has no new nations this year ... so no "capitol gains" to declare. Did Mercury lower his taxes? Yeah, he's eligible for a huge solar energy tax credit!

'What's wrong, people? You wanna be sooper-dooper safe, don't you?'

'All right, I want to know who's responsible for our profits no longer being obscene!'

'I already know about the birds and the bees. Tell me about investing my allowance for capital appreciation.'

'If I have to buy my sneakers with MY money, doesn't that blur the line between allowance and support.'

Work stress.

Dadonomics

'We looked at a variety of options for allocating money to the voluntary agencies...and letting them fight it out was by far the cheapest.'

Welcome to the "Ask Sadie" radio hour. You're on, Kenosha. What's your problem?! I'm a grad student pursuing my PhD. in robotics. Under the recent tax plan that passed the House, I'd have to count my tuition waiver as income, even though I never received any actual money. This would put me in a higher tax bracket and I'd have to drop out because I could never afford to pay those taxes. Good riddance, Poindexter. Science is nothing but gobbledygook anyway. Studies have shown that's not the case.

'My teacher says that your tax cut favors the rich.'

'You've handled your allowance responsibly for three years so we're cutting it by three percent and requiring you to pay a share of your health care expenses.'