Salad Savant Pillows

"Let me guess. You want French and you want ranch?"

Condensed chef salad

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"We're doomed."

Trilby - 'Taffy makes the salad.'

"Who is having the 4 bean salad? Half portion?"

'I don't like bacon bits on my salad...'

Bottle Of Thousand Island Dressing going towards island.

'HEY! USE THE TONGS!'

Fred walks into a salad bar on the wrong side of the tracks.

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Like death by salad.'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"I come here for the pepper."

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"I grabbed it away from Larry and seasoned it properly just in time. It's a rescue meatloaf."

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

'Diet considerations.'

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."