Safety Standards Gifts

"No problems with the wheel, but this fire thing is going to be a tough sell to the Consumer Product Safety Commission."

"And that's why we wear red suspenders."

'Maybe I should check the fumes on this new batch of wallpaper paste.'

Thoroughbred Burger Meat

A young Don King

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Man using to much bug spray

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

Kangaroo mom to child, 'We're not going anywhere until you buckle-up, young man.'

The new normal

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

On the brink.

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

Beware of Falling Notice.

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"I've had it with the helmet mandates."

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

'Mind how you cross the ocean.'