Safety Specialist Pillows

"Let me know if you find a ring."

Absurd firework lighterdouser

'I'm going to the restroom - watch my purse.'

Crash test playground

"Nice job with the petunias, Skip. They're a perfect complement to the trip wires."

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

Executive ignores wet floor warning and slides down hall

On the brink.

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

'It's okay, there's a trampoline under the snow.'

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

"We'll get there when we get there!"

'Mind you don't wake the baby.'

"The crash-test rating on this puppy is off the charts!"

'Mum...Dad's barbecued his face again.'

Time Out For Teddy

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules