Safety Specialist Pillows

"Let me know if you find a ring."

Crash Test Dummy Blues

Absurd firework lighterdouser

'I'm going to the restroom - watch my purse.'

Crash test playground

"Nice job with the petunias, Skip. They're a perfect complement to the trip wires."

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

Executive ignores wet floor warning and slides down hall

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

On the brink.

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Baby on board.

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

'It's okay, there's a trampoline under the snow.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

'Take us to your crash test facilities. We're here to liberate our compatriots!'

"The crash-test rating on this puppy is off the charts!"

'Mum...Dad's barbecued his face again.'

No caption (A crash test dummy in the shape of a bird flies toward a window. Other birds dressed as scientists study the experiment from the ground).

"We'll get there when we get there!"

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."