Safety Jokester Pillows

'Crash test dummy parking only' sign.

The latest construction safety device: air bags on jack hammers.

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'Another one? Do you realize it will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

A crab with a utility knife claw

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

Safety Barriers

Mountain Climber With Pillow Padding.

'Can't you give the dummy mouth to mouth without getting romantically involved Mrs Wilks?'

Fire door.

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

Fume Leaks on aeroplane - 'Perfume? Drinks? Air?'

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

"You idiots … we lost!"

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

'The most important safety rule to follow when doing anything dangerous is to first find out who can sue you when you get hurt.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

Health & Safety Official Tester.

Jet Turbine Testing Area

"Safe? Of course it's safe! I do fireworks every year!"

Security at the Smaller Airports

Unselfish by nature - he delights to show the novice where the big chub cruise...and where the best pike lie.