Safety-first Parent Pillows

'If you shoot your foot off don't coming running to me.'

"He's not allowed to have anything sharp. Like a mind."

"Boys! Not by the TV!"

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

'Mum...Dad's barbecued his face again.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

Reasonableman

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

The Dangers of Not Getting Enough Sleep...

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

'My mum drives me to school. She says it isn't safe to walk with all the cars.'

Mother changing the words to 'this little piggy' to be more healthy

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

"Here comes the super-visor."

'We don't want to risk having any injuries during spring training.'

"Pity that 'on' button's a bit of a stretch."

Dating The Daughter Of A Hockey Goalie

"I don't care what Siri said. Wheaty Puffs are good for you, so eat them up."

"How many more times, you've got hayfever, so no, you can't have any cannabis oil."

'In the few remaining minutes of the lesson I can't do better than to show you how to fill an accident form.'

"Trust me, with me in charge, your kid will behave and be safe..."

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

Humpty Dumpty wearing over-the-shoulder seat belt smiles smugly.

'Mr Bluebeard is our safety officer.'

"Can you test for broccoli and brussels sprouts too?"

'Haven't you heard that hypernutrition in the first years can lead to obesity in later life.'

"Now just hold on a minute, fellers. This thing doesn't look to be very safe at all."

'He swallowed a warning label!'

"I'm not sure our family's ready for kombucha, hon."

We only give him smartwater.