Safety Consultant Gifts

Life is about MANAGING risk, not not taking any.

'Mr Bluebeard is our safety officer.'

Steep Hill, Slippery When Wet, Watch for Cars Going Faster Than You.

'It's okay, there's a trampoline under the snow.'

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

Do you have a phone with recording capabilities? I want to be able to carry a wire when I meet with my boss.

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

"Siri, find an ICU near me."

"I've dabbled in espionage, but my main area of expertise is self-sabotage."

'How do we know the NSA hasn't hacked your naughty list?'

The Dangers of National Safety Week.

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

"Nice job with the petunias, Skip. They're a perfect complement to the trip wires."

Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite, Surveillance.

'Don't give me that junk! — We spies don't either have to stick together!'

MI5 Press Office

'Our crime figures are down!'

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

Car robbers foiled by mousetraps surrounding a car.

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

"Welcome to your new home Sire. There isn't an enemy in the land that will penetrate these three foot thick stone walls."

"I found a partial thumbprint. Let's get the heck out of here"

"It used to be that if you worried about unseen forces you were considered paranoid. Now you're a security expert."

"As part of our new privacy policy we stopped using hidden cameras."

Desert Island Surveillance.

'What do I do for a living?? Isn't it obvious?'

"I just installed a home security monitor."