Safari Jokesters Pillows

'Why did Tarzan name his chimp cheetah?'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

"And so if the pillage numbers don't improve this quarter, I have just one word for you: waterskis."

"Yes, in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight, but he snores!"

'At least, Men point cameras at you these days: In my day, they pointed guns!'

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

"I can still see the sun, shorty!"

Marmalade the Cheetah on stilts.

Jurassic Ark

'On the outside I'm all ho-ho-ho. But inside I feel weak and shaky, like a bowl full of jelly.'

'Now see here! My name is Thomson and THAT is my gazelle!!'

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

'I wouldn't call myself a vegetarian, but I don't eat dead animals either.'

'We're having the whole place done over in pistachio!'

"Don't feel too bad... I'm sure we're not the only ones who can't spell either of us."

'When did you teach him to play dead?'

'Hi, my name's Bernard and I'm an alcoholic...'

'Yeah, hi, Bob...when you asked me to pop in and feet Spot, I was kind of under the impression he was a dog!'

'No kidding! I was in that David Attenborough documentary too...'

'It's hop,hop,skip,rattle,rattle. Remember, the second rattle is the difference between curing jungle fever or just relieving the patient of uncomfortable gas.'

Dog spelled backward is GOD, cat is TAC, a pain in the butt.

'Ok Phil, you can stop the trash talk now!'

"Lose those fantasies of exacting vengeance from the afterlife. Our best hope is a mild case of salmonella."

Kid to dad about pet door on fishbowl: 'It's a dogfish.'

"Let's tell him we've been good. He probably won't call our bluff."

'It was just a matter of time, old cowpuncher, 'til one of them punched back.'

"1-800 Herd of Elephants."

"Sarge, I think I've found the owner of that driverless sleigh discovered up north!"