Rustic Charmers T-Shirts

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

Country Bumpkin.

Falstaff

'When I met him he was all bright and shiny - now he's a rust bucket.'

Opening the Barrel

"I learned ridin', I learned cowpokin' and I learned how to eat and sleep under the stars. But, dag nab it, I never learned any geology."

"Take my hand, my love, and come with me to the cabin, where we can explore each other's naked bodies for ticks."

'The first day on the job was not going well for Al...'

'Hey! Make sure those boots are muddy before you set foot in here,mister! Took me all morning to get this place filthy!'

The Lumberjack and the Yule Log

Caveman applying wallpaper cave paintings

"I've decided to replace the sod floor with tile."

Olive Tree

"I've never trusted cows."

"I'm tired of having to apologize for the condition of the house."

Fill idle hours by making your own rustic seat...use it when you want to relax.

How farmers get away w/ eating crackers in bed

Lockdown had left Nigel desperate for a haircut.

"You boys might as well dig in - this could smolder for days."

Women rush to man with 'I heart emotions' t-shirt.

"You're the one who wanted to go someplace off the beaten track - you ask him what's gluten free."

'Life on the farm used to be so... innocent. What's happened to us?'

"Warm and rich, fresh and bright, with depth and intensity. Not the wine, you."

"It takes years before some people are comfortable enough to say hello."

Snake Charmer

'You travelled 6,000 miles to find Chateau Grande Magnifique? Buddy, you're looking at it.'

"Redwood or oak?"

'I adore a man of many parts.'

'Do you have anything that smells like wedding bells?'

"Take this, Luke. They say it's impossible to get a decent baguette west of the Pecos."

'Hold steady, there girl. I need to open my bottle of cider!'

'This is a no-frills bar, pal -- You bring your OWN napkins!'

Rust in Piece - Second Hand Car Salesman.

'Are you decent'