Runaway Groom Enthusiast Pillows

Groom flees wedding

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

I must say a winter wedding certainly saves on confetti!'

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

'He does.'

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

"Absolutely not!"

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

Visual Gag: An about to be married Bride using a real train as a wedding gown train

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'Actually, most brides would find being stranded on a deserted beach very romantic...'

"You may now let me go try to get the sand out of my shoes and suit just in time for my next beach wedding."

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

"Do you, Halfomild Tellycelebrtipewhoo-hoo, promise to brush up on matters such as the Hadron Collider?"

"Nobody told me it was a dress down wedding day!"

'Okay, so you were right; maybe figuring 13 bottles of wine per person was a little too much.'

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

'...till death, or a really huge argument over ringtones, do you part.'

"Sorry I'm late. I had to get a tattoo removed"