Rule Book Lawyer Gifts

'That book is the real hazard!'

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

"Sorry, bud. You know the rules... Dibs is dibs."

And if the ball is completely unplayable...

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

He waited for the next wave of regulations to arrive.

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

'That's not what is meant by a free kick.'

'There's nothing in the rules about gloves.'

"He was right, you know - a queen can move as many spaces as she likes."

Baseball Rules Conference. The actions of this runner are prohibited by the current rules. Next slide, please.

'There really is no need for confusion. Rule 10, section 5, article a, subsection 3, exception 4 quite clearly states ... '

Legal? Big-shoed clown prepares to kick field goal.

"Offside? By a fingertip? It's football not handball!"

No hitting below the belt!

"Welcome to the building, Mrs. Bergdorf. We'd like to go over the condo's rules with you."

'You'll like it here...it's one of the rules.'

"We have all kinds of Regulatory Guidelines floating around."

'Nice try, Mom! They're pinking shears.'

Attorneys at law.

'Oh for Pete's sake. This ain't nuclear science, gentlemen. I'll read it one more time, but pay attention... 'the infield fly rule is in effect if there is less than two outs and runners on first and second'...'

'By the time I finish explaining the rules, I've lost 'em.'

"Mr Yomp is in a big hurry, so give him 'speedy runaround number 39'..."

James Naismith

'Upon further review, the ruling on the field is upheld. The catch was totally constitutional. Touchdown!'

"It may not be a balk, but it's something."

'What do you mean there's no specific rule that forbids a center fielder from doing that?'

'Well, no, I can't seem to find a rule forbidding this, but I still don't think it's legal.'

Penalty! Fifteen yards for a block in the back.

"Holding superstar quarterback accountable—token penalty after the kickoff."

'You're right, there's nothing in the rules against it.'

'Have you hammered out the new rule book yet?'