Royal Watching Gifts

'Joan of Arc is visiting - make sure all the toilet seats are down.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

'Now that's an afro!'

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

Cord cutter

King George I

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

British Prime Minister

The Unhappy King

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

"Seriously, you can't balance the budget with cushion change."

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

A king and his paperwork.

'Henry, we can't begin to make progress unless your friend leaves the room.'

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

Graffiti on guard's horse

Royal Love

"Possible exception to Prince William's proposed halt on space travel." proposed halt on space travel."

''Depression'? -- You or the country or both?'

'He'll stop being so smug when he gets his first dent.'

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

"I learned about the despotism at the same time you did."

"To be fair, I think you should be very clear about the ground rules with your next jester."

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

"Someone should have warned you - he doesn't suffer fools gladly."

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."