Royal Watching Gifts

'Joan of Arc is visiting - make sure all the toilet seats are down.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

'Now that's an afro!'

'You can just forget about the cake.'

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

King George I

Cord cutter

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

British Prime Minister

The Unhappy King

"Seriously, you can't balance the budget with cushion change."

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

A king and his paperwork.

'Henry, we can't begin to make progress unless your friend leaves the room.'

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

'He'll stop being so smug when he gets his first dent.'

''Depression'? -- You or the country or both?'

"Possible exception to Prince William's proposed halt on space travel." proposed halt on space travel."

Royal Love

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

"I learned about the despotism at the same time you did."

"To be fair, I think you should be very clear about the ground rules with your next jester."

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

"Someone should have warned you - he doesn't suffer fools gladly."

'He just outlawed his in-laws.'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

'A candle for it? Not blummin' likely - I'm a republican!'