Royal Historian Pillows

"Don't give me this stupid 'Renaissance' stuff! - The Middle Ages were good enough for my father and they're good enough for me!"

"Sire the risk-assessment people say, No way."

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

"And His Majesty sends you a great big kiss, too."

'I've decided to commute his sentence - just give him a noogie.'

'Gentlemen, the loyal toast - The Queen, God help her.'

"None of them are moving - That's a bad economic indicator."

'Here comes the King, Lancelot! Quick! -- Scrunch down in there!'

'Your Majesty, Parliament says your appropriation is inappropriate.'

'Hey! -- When did you put Lady Godiva off-budget?'

'Not public relations! SEND OUT THE PALACE GUARD!'

'Well, Dad, taxes are at their highest rate in history -- and you said I'd never amount to anything!'

Financial Scandal in Spanish Royal Family

Leap Heir

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

'Now that's an afro!'

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

King George I

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

New Resident of Downing Street

"Hell, George - they even miss ME!"

The Unhappy King

John F. Kennedy

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

The wrecking crew!

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

"Seriously, you can't balance the budget with cushion change."

"To begin with, I would like to express my sincere thanks and deep appreciation for the opportunity to meet with you. While there are still profound differences between us, I think the very fact of my presence here today is a major breakthrough."

'Henry, we can't begin to make progress unless your friend leaves the room.'

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

Royal Love

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

'He'll stop being so smug when he gets his first dent.'