Royal Guardsman Pillows

'He'll stop being so smug when he gets his first dent.'

Best Guards.

The Zoo.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"He likes it."

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

"Tommy!"

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

'Gerry just can't seem to relax on holiday.'

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"Look, it's my word balloon."

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

The Bearskin Hat Family

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

"Next time make up your mind and just pick one!"

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

"Stop complaining. At least I have parents!"

'We'll have him back on his feet and under yours in no time!'

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."