Royal Fan Pillows

"I just bought another country - it's cheaper on the net."

'I told the jester he could take April Fool's Day off.'

Reign Man

"What sort of Mall is this anyway"

London Gin Company Limited - By Appointment to Queen Mother

'He threw his back out trying to lift an embargo.'

Beefeater

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

'Now that's an afro!'

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

King George I

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

Photos of Queen Elizabeth II

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

TV jester.

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

The Unhappy King

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

'The King of what?'

"Seriously, you can't balance the budget with cushion change."

'Henry, we can't begin to make progress unless your friend leaves the room.'

'Look, Carl, the glory days are over. You might want to slip into something a little more comfortable.'

'I never dreamed the 'equal work for equal pay' bill would apply to me!'

"Don't even think about it! I am the property of the English Monarch!"

''Depression'? -- You or the country or both?'

'He'll stop being so smug when he gets his first dent.'

Royal Love

King and Jester

'Yes, he definitely wants something. . . maybe his crown and scepter.'

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

"To be fair, I think you should be very clear about the ground rules with your next jester."

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."